Every Mile Matters
by Sarah L.A.C.E.
I have written and rewritten what I want to say over the last several months. Each month there is something different. A different angle to the same reason I run.
I grew up with some difficulties and in 2003 I was finally told my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I spent much of my time prior to and after the diagnosis self-medicating. Then around 2009 I was asked if I wanted to be part of a running team for the Manitoba Marathon held every Father’s Day. I agreed to it and then panicked. I hadn’t run since high school and then it was only on track and field day, going for 100meters. But I did it and ran just over 3 miles for my leg of the race. Between the practice with the Couch to 5k and the race, I remembered why I loved to run. (If you ask my mom she’ll say that I never did walk anywhere, I ran.) An extra bonus was that it was providing me with the high my body was craving and helping me stay connected to myself by keeping my moods stable. And I got the control I needed to feel sane. I couldn’t control anything about my life or the disorder, but I could control how far and long I ran for. For short spurts, I could control how fast I ran as well. And of course the medal at the end rocked. Crossing that finish line helped me feel accomplished with something I was doing in my life.
(I currently have a team relay, a 5k, a 10k, 2 half marathons, a virtual 10k, and a colour run under my running belt. I hope to run a full marathon when I’m 40 so I can say I did it.)
This past year I haven’t been able to run as much. I got really sick with anxiety. Something that came up in high school but appeared to be a secondary symptom to the BPD. So essentially it was ignored. There was no ignoring it now. I was losing my life. I couldn’t even go outside without getting sick. My favourite was running outdoors, so this was a cause of severe depression.
The last five months have been me getting better and healthier with the help of medication and therapy. So now I run because I can. I am healthy physically, I have my legs and I am blessed enough to be able to utilize my body to run.
This is why every mile matters to me. Every mile means a healthier mood day for myself. To enjoy the great life God gave me. To enjoy my husband, children, family and friends. I am blessed, and each mile I run I am celebrating that I can.